I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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