he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
