dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
