1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
