Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
