Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
