I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
