found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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