The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
