saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
