I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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