I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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