Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
