There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize