Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
