The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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