I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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