he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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