I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
