So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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