everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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