You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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