Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
