I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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