oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
