She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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