u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize