I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
