There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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