We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
