We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
