I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
