Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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