that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
