We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
