Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
