If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
