**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
