can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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