I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
