We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
