This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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