Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
