Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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