I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
