Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
