Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
