i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
