Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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