Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
