How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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