dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
