Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
