she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So squirting runs in the family.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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