it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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