did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When are your genitals available?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
