Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
