Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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