last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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