her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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