Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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