We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
