Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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