it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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