I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize