i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
