Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
