I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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