The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
