Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
