YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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