Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
