i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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