If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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