I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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