My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
where are my eyebrows?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
