She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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