but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
