I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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