There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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