you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
