Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
