i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
love makes seman taste better
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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