I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
