cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
