Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
